Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
