I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
