Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
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