What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
May the power of my ass compel you!!
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
