so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
