Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
