I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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