Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
