I'm drive I can fine osifer
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
