I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
