My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
