My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize