You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
