It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
