areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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