walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
