His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
