I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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