Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
