The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Randomize
