I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
