I need help removing her.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
