haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
