a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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