remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
