I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
