Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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