I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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