We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
