checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
