Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
