That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
God, I missed his penis.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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