No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
