Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
