New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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