I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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