True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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