I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
