he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
