You surviving the open bar?
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My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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