There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
