Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
