I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
