Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
