can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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