One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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