i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
