if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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