Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
