i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
