my phone needs a breathalizer
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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