Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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