I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
