you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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