You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
and she was petting her beer can
Girls should come with a carfax report
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
