you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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