remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Randomize
