our cab driver is having phone sex.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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