pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize