Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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