Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
