No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
