it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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