so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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