Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
