Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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