Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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