Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
