I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
