If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
