I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize