Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
