i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize