It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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