goodnight i made you a song goodbye
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
