We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
