Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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