it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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