Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
