"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
