Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
