tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
