Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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