It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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