i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
