he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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