"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
