How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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