Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
