I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
