this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
