You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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