Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
