my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
