Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
You're like the curious george of whores
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize