Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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