Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
