On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
