i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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