Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
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