she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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