Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
