It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
