I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Sacagawea was the original milf.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
