as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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