ADVERTISEMENT

• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...

  Fav 509 178659 8188

  share tweet
  

• (661): View more from California

  Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.

  (1-661): View more from California

  What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"

  Fav 51 31568 1783

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?

  Fav 5 4356 1354

  share tweet
  

• (505): View more from New Mexico

  koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty

  Fav 29 1833 4499

  share tweet
  

• (318): View more from Louisiana

  Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.

  Fav 17 3129 1122

  share tweet
  

• (817): View more from Texas

  We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.

  Fav 8 3028 1150

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (479): View more from Arkansas

  Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?

  (1-479): View more from Arkansas

  If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area

  Fav 10 2151 964

  share tweet
  

• (205): View more from Alabama

  It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...

  Fav 11 992 1478

  share tweet
  

• (407): View more from Florida

  Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.

  Fav 13 2110 1077

  share tweet
  

• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.

  Fav 4 1571 669

  share tweet
  

• (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm always drunk lately

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears

  Fav 3 1380 658

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery

  Fav 0 407 241

  share tweet
  

• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.

  Fav 0 36 6

  share tweet
  

• (727): View more from Florida

  Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.

  Fav 0 84 16

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (609): View more from New Jersey

  My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.

  Fav 0 20 35

  share tweet
  

Randomize