look no pants
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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