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He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
