I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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