this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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