For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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