yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
