it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
