I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
