There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize