Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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