What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
