I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
